Minneapolis, MN - According to a poll of national news anchors, the collapse of a local bridge in Minnesota, which killed five people and injured more than 20 others, is the worst tragedy in American history. In a joint agreement, every news station has decided to cover the bridge accident through the rest of 2007. "At this point, we're unsure if life will go on," CNN President Jonathan Klein said. The radio station in Idaho aired Orson Welles' "War of the Worlds" broadcast to slam the message home. Fox News President Rupert Murdoch reportedly contacted the USOC and asked them to consider cancelling the 2012 Olympics in London. "We can't be sure the London Bridge will not fall down and kill our athletes," he said. Murdoch refused to comment on why the bridge accident was more newsworthy than the 15,000 people dying in Darfur every month, the 60 million Americans without health insurance, the 36 million Americans living in poverty, or the 180 people killed by drunk drivers everyday. Despite the fact that statistics illustrate you have a better chance of being struck by lightening, killed by a stray bullet, or eaten by a shark, the media has decided to scare everyone into believing that the bridge they cross everyday is going to implode. Afterall, there have been three other such collapses in the past 90 years. In a recent survey of American citizens, 9 out 10 people indicated that the biggest problem facing America today that the media should be covering is the media.
