Washington, DC – A team of surgeons at The George Washington University hospital performed an emergency medical procedure this morning to remove ice from Vice-President Cheney’s veins in order to chill temperatures scorching the western United States. Doctor Carol Distler asked the Vice-President if he wanted local anesthesia. He replied that he didn't see a reason to fly back to Texas for the procedure and gave her permission to do it locally. Doctors warned that the draining of ice from the Vice-President’s veins might cause him to warm up a little. The conservative base of the Republican party expressed their faith-based concern, fearing that the operation may cause him to provide relief in the next hurricane, hire and retain federal workers based on their ability, and even address the nagging health care and national debt crises. Doctors assured wary supporters that the Vice-President would likely still have enough ice in his veins to ignore the most pressing issues of our time. Following the procedure, Cheney ordered an invasion of a childcare center in Vermont to test his own resolve. In the meantime, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger reported frozen power lines cut off electricity in Orange County and declared a state of emergency.
