Oversized Sunglasses Cult Overthrows Government

Washington, D.C. – A band of desperate teenage girls from Malibu seized control of the American government today after storming the White House. The national debt doubled within the first hour of their reign as they began ordering clothes from the basement of the Bureau of Printing and Engraving and demanded Congress pass a 28th Amendment extending mall operation hours nationwide. It is the first American coup since angry southerners refused to buy Dixie Chicks albums. The militia was carrying Louis Vuitton handbags and wearing 7 for All Mankind jeans, Manolos, OPI nail lacquer, and oversized Gucci sunglasses. A sniper on the roof reported that one of the girls may have also been wearing Tracie Martyn skin care products. White House intern Jimmy Scott donned a pair of oversized sunglasses to infiltrate the gang but was later found tied to the Lincoln bed with a Ferragamo belt. The S.W.A.T. team began negotiations with the clan, who demanded $100 million in Tiffany’s gift certificates and tickets to the priemiere of Mean Girls II. The standoff ended when one of the girls broke a nail in the Oval Office and couldn't hold out any longer. “I need nail glue,” she cried, as she was taken away in handcuffs in the Rose Garden. President Bush later said the incident underscored the severity of the ongoing war on terror and ordered the Secretary of Defense to bomb Bloomingdales.