Washington, DC – Congress passed a bill today allocating $20 million to send President Bush on a space mission to Mars. The bill, entitled “Operation American Freedom”, was co-sponsored by 535 members of Congress, 300 million Americans, and the other 6,602,224,175 people on the planet. The President signed the bill into law after Congress agreed to attach $40 billion in faith based initiatives to teach immigrants the myths surrounding evolution and another $75 billion to build childcare centers for stem cells so they don’t have to stay in their Petri dishes. The voyage is NASA’s third attempt to Mars and the most risky given their abatement of a plan to patch football field size holes in the shuttle’s orbiter. “I’m going to ask the Prime Minister of Mars if he gets nose bleeds up there,” Bush snickered. The mission, which NASA dubbed “America’s Surge”, is scheduled to take place as soon as humanly possible. Bush scurried back to the White House to pack his Family Guy coloring book and kaleidoscope.
