Palm Beach, FL - Courtney Walczak misses the times when motorcycles used to rev their engines as they sped past her house and dogs barked through the night as dazed party goers returned home and slammed their car doors. Courtney's three year old son Jared has her ears ringing into the record books. Jared, whose parents nicknamed him "meltdown" after he threw a fit when they wouldn't let him play with an alligator at the Palm Beach Zoo, launched his latest tantrum when his Tickle Me Elmo doll refused to giggle when tickled, dance the hokey pokey, or perform the limbo in his Hawaiian shirt. He expressed his displeasure by playing his piano with both fists. "I've had a headache for two years, four months, and 12 days," a delirious Walczak said. Walczak certified the headache by providing evidence of 34 empty Motrin bottles. When asked why she kept them, she replied, "I haven't had time to take the garbage out since 2005." The previous record was set by Monica Greely of Detroit, Michigan. Her son Colby said "NO!" 84 times in a ten minute span, threw his Tonka truck at her grandfather's urn, and screamed until her storm shutters came down during his record setting performance. Walczak will be inducted into the Parenting Hall of Fame later this month where she will be presented with a one hour nap.
