Martha’s Vineyard, MA – John Hogue, a tourist enjoying his summer vacation with his family in Edgartown, was rushed to Martha’s Vineyard Hospital after an undercooked Maine lobster clamped down on his nose while eating dinner at the Seafood Shanty. The hospital was unable to treat him because all of the doctors and nurses were busy providing drug and alcohol treatment to five generations of Kennedys. The chef apologized for the incident and insisted that it was “the first time anything like that has happened since an undercooked octopus wrapped its legs around an elderly woman’s face and sucked off her eyebrows.” Rose Kennedy, 118, offered to drive Hogue to a doctor’s office near her home across the Dike bridge on Chappaquiddick Island. Hogue has been missing for two days.
