Key Biscayne, FL – In 1991, legislation drafted by the National Wildlife Institute required city officials to take steps to protect turtle eggs under the Endangered Species Act. Public sentiment has changed in recent years, especially among beach visitors. “The turtle nests are usually empty,” resident Mandy Chambliss said, as she lugged chairs, buckets, and shovels with her three children trying to find an empty spot on the beach. “There isn’t anywhere left to sit,” she added. Floridians have long suspected the turtles were taking advantage of the law. Recently, Noah Hagin, a Key Biscayne lifeguard, reported seeing three turtles laughing on their way back into the ocean. “I asked them what was so funny,” Hagin said. “They just kept laughing through their flippers. When I checked their nests, there was nothing in them.” PETA spokesman Paul Gittleson insisted the turtles were laughing at a joke about a group of dysfunctional hammerhead sharks. He later threatened to set the lifeguard stations on fire if they disturbed the nests.
