Bush Announces Bid for Chinese Presidency

Beijing, China - Tired of having his hands tied by a constitution, President Bush announced today that he will challenge Chinese President Hu Jintao for the presidency. "It's an opportunity for him to oppress a nation with less resistance and bring a new level of despair to the Chinese people," former Advisor Karl Rove explained. Bush, who said his decision was based on his love of Greek salad, said his first priority will be to find out "why their children is not learning." The Chinese people met the announcement with water torture, public beheadings, and a hunger strike. At his first public campaign appearance driving a tank in Tieneman Square, Bush asked, "If Hu's on first, what's on second?"