Senator Craig Resigns Over Toilet Watergate

Midvale, ID - Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) resigned today after pleading guilty to soliciting gay sex in a public bathroom. Craig, who said he did not recall tapping a police officer's foot or running his hand palm up along the inside of the adjacent stall, also said he does not recall if he was in the Twin Towers building on 9/11. "You say I was there and maybe I was," the Senator said, "but I do not recall." Craig's wife stood beside him wearing the darkest tint sunglasses permitted by law, which she later admitted were used to keep her eyes from bulging out of her head. Craig said he also does not recall if he ever sang on stage with Elvis Presley or saw a UFO. In a recent poll, 92% of Americans indicated they have no idea where Idaho is located.