Dallas, TX – Baseball card dealer Joey Paterno announced to a group of 14 year old kids at a baseball card show that he is suing McDonald's for $40 million for making him lose weight. Paterno alleges there is nothing bad left on the menu and the fast food chain has forced him to eat salads. “They’re using low fat cheese on the cheeseburgers. I'm starving,” Paterno said. McDonald's pledged to continue using discarded rubber tires and other recyclables in their McNuggets as part of their “Green Initiative” but said they had no plans to stop offering healthy alternatives. Wall Street Analysts predict the company will have a hard time surviving in the United States given Americans’ penchant for high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, and other saturated fats.
