Ann Arbor, MI – Researchers from the University of Michigan reported their findings today from a 30-minute study of President Bush’s brain. “We found enormous open spaces,” surgeon Gabe Birbrower said. “I felt like Captain Smith landing in Jamestown." Politicians and corporate America didn’t waste time weighing in with their suggestions to use the uncharted territory. Housing and Urban Development Secretary Gray Stevens suggested construction of sprawling mansions for Bush cronies. Former First Lady Barbara Bush suggested the Hurricane Katrina victims might be “better off” living in the Bush brain. Oracle CEO Larry Ellison offered to sail his 452 ft. luxury yacht, Rising Sun, through the Bush brain. Paris Hilton offered to throw a party for her friends in it, O.J. Simpson suggested making it into a golf course, and Dennis Miller said something nobody understood. Vice President Cheney demanded President Bush’s brain be sealed immediately, then stood on his head, and flew into a cave.
