Washington, DC - President Bush ignited smothering religious flames in Northern Ireland today when he insisted that the "troubles" had not ended, but failed to mention that he was referring to the academic troubles in Regev. Unbeknownst to Bush, "The Troubles" is the name of the three thousand year old religious conflict between Irish Protestants and Catholics. Two hours later, the Real IRA and Red Hand Commandos claimed responsibility for two church bombings which killed 32 people and injured more than 60 others. The fighting is the first outbreak of violence since the two sides agreed on a 1997 ceasefire followed by the 1998 Good Friday Agreement. In 2002, Bush was criticized for calling the Iraq War a "crusade" against the forces of evil. "The Crusades", of course, were a Holy War waged against Muslims by Christians in Jerusalem in 1095, which resulted in the death of thousands of Muslims, who were also forced to flee their homeland. Bush dismissed the furor and suggested the Muslims loosen their turbans. A White House aide confirmed that the "troubles" line was not written in the text of the speech and promised financial aid and an autographed presidential photo for the families of the church victims.
