Washington, D.C. - Clarence Thomas, the Machiavellian Supreme Court Justice who prides himself on preserving the financial dominance of every last corporate conglomerate and hanging every little guy out to dry, reported finding a pubic hair in his Old Ebbitt Grill cheeseburger Tuesday. "I want this restaurant closed down!" he shouted. The restaurant manager, a small business owner, offered Judge Thomas a refund. When Thomas objected and threatened to bring a $40 million suit, the manager said refunds are stare decisis and returned to the kitchen. "Did he eat it?" the chef asked. "No, but he saw it Anita," the manager replied.
