Lynchburg, VA – Reverend Jerry Falwell collapsed and died Tuesday in his Liberty University office. His secretary reported that he was watching an episode of Charm School when he fell out of his chair and hit his head on a Jefferson Davis bust given to him by Strom Thurmond. At his funeral Thursday, Teletubby Tinky Winky delivered the eulogy. “I never paid much attention to him,” Winky said, “because I knew he hated Jews even more than me so I didn’t take it personally.” Falwell, who had difficulty separating cartoon from reality, and insisted Hurricane Katrina was the Lord’s way of punishing gays, had accused Winky of being a perverse homosexual. Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po did not attend the service and were unavailable to comment. Pallbearers included Ted Haggard and Mark Foley. In lieu of flowers, the Falwell family is asking mourners to send donations to the Foundation to Preserve Heterosexual Marriage or the National Society to Save Stem Cells.
