Chicago, IL - For Oprah Winfrey, it’s never enough. She gives away cars and iPods, builds schools in other countries, and feeds nations. Today the talk show host and activist unveiled plans to build a new planet. The planet, which will be called Planet Harpo, will be built approximately 4 million miles west of Jupiter, approximately a three month commute by space shuttle from earth. It will temporarily house the 4.2 billion citizens who wish to nuke us as a result of our foreign policy. “At this point, I think it’s the best option,” Winfrey said, when asked if this was a cheap attempt to save North America. "It's hardly cheap," she replied. "I had to fire my dogs' chef to finance it." In other news, Dick Cheney offered Halliburton's services to dig for oil on the new planet.
