Washington, DC – An MRI of the Democratic leadership in Congress revealed the majority of members are missing their backbone, the series of vertebrae that prop up the spine and allow people to make moral decisions with conviction. Doctors were unable to explain how the Congressmen continued working spinelessly; however, they suggested that when people do something for an extended period of time, sometimes the body adjusts and allows them to continue with minimal discomfort. When asked why more reward money was not being offered for the missing backbones, FBI Director Robert Mueller replied that even when they had it, they so rarely used it that we had a hard time justifying an increase in the bounty.
