New York, NY - There are 12 million illegal immigrants currently working in the United States. In an effort to halt the scourge of immigration, leave millions of parents without nannys and strip our fruit and vegetable aisles bare, self-proclaimed populist and corporate avenger Lou Dobbs began construction of a 14-foot high barbed wire fence around the CNN studio in New York. "We have got to do something about these illegals," he said, "and I am not waiting for President Bush to open the floodgates and provide amnesty to them." When asked if he knew that his producer was a Columbian immigrant, Dobbs threw a hammer at our cameraman. Before we could call the police, Dobbs turned red and his head exploded on the set. He was pronounced dead on the scene and taken to the local morgue, where an autopsy will be performed by Nisba Rashiri, a Jordanian immigrant.
